What I’ve learned about health

I wanted to title this Finding Healing Foods, but the truth is that I’m still finding what works best with my body. My health has suffered so much in the last seven years, and I’m still learning how to heal my body. My list of ailments could- and has, at times- cause doctors to become confused.

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in 2004. When I first went to the doctor, he told me it was because I was overweight and to stop eating so much. He then shoved an asthma inhaler in my hand and said, “You also have asthma, here,” and then sent me out of his office. Two weeks later, I was in the ER because I couldn’t move. I had been pushing myself and saying that I was tired because I was a mom. When I could no longer care for myself (i.e. feed myself, brush my hair and teeth, or dress myself), off to the ER we went. They said I had diabetes. I had never had diabetes. I ate well, tried to exercise, and generally, took care of my health. I had gained weight, but I couldn’t understand why. They sent me to a local internal specialist. That visit was lifechanging. By this time, I had bald patches from missing hair, dry skin, overweight, high blood glucose, and could barely move. My TSH, instead of being between 2-7, was 18. Hypothyroidism was the diagnosis, and it was 2 years before the correct medicine dosage was determined.

In 2014, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. I was constantly stressed. I was a full time teacher and full time caregiver for my father, and all the while, I was raising 2 teenage boys by myself. The weight I worked so hard to lose was slowly coming back on as my health took a backburner to everyone else’s needs.

Isn’t that how it works for women? We put others in front of us?

By this time, I had lost my mother to cancer, and I was still consumed with that grief, but I stuffed it down emotionally and tried to press forward. In 2016, I lost my father and there was no where for the grief to go. My health deteriorated, and I was diagnosed with dystonia and cramps fasciculation. I was placed on trial and error drugs (it might work or it might not), and suddenly my list of medicines (even over the counter meds) that I couldn’t take grew.

2018 the diabetes took over full force. Why not? I was on medicines that made me sleep all the time. Who has time for exercise when you are taking medicines that make you drowsy 24-7?

2021 the year of many doctors. And lots of contradictions!

I started losing weight. Not the normal way. Not by choice. I couldn’t eat. My stomach cramped all the time. My mornings started with vomiting. I vomited a lot. I had lots of bowel movements. I even had blood in my stools.

They said I had gastroparesis. Negative.

Stomach/Intestinal/Colon Cancer. Negative.

I had more MRIs than I want to count that year if you include the stroke.

My family physician wanted me to eat hardly any carbs, lots of veggies, and lean protein. It triggered cramps, pain, and bloody stools.

Gastroenterologist wanted me to eat easily digestible foods to calm things down. Mostly carbs.

Cardiologist wanted me to exercise and eat a healthy balance.

Not one of these doctors has mentioned my mental health in all of this. No one wants the before. They think this is all current. By August of 2022, I was suicidal. My family physician had placed me on antidepressants in 2018, but medication alone doesn’t help. Sure it can mask some symptoms (for example, it’s hard to just cry when you are on antidepressants). I was somewhat numb, but I was still dealing with the same issues even if the emotions were currently masked by the effects of the medication.

My principal was the one who called me into the conference room and took me to the mental health clinic. Best thing anyone had ever done for me. I wouldn’t have done it on my own. My therapist and I sat down and created a plan. It’s not perfect. I still have those down days, but I now have coping skills. Before anxiety spirals out of control, I know to recognize the pattern and stop. I go through a set of questions that help me refocus.

My plan isn’t everyone’s plan. Please know that. My issues are not everyone’s issues. My plan that my therapist and I put into place will not help everyone because it is specific to me. It is tailored to me. As a caregiver to my parents, I did a lot. Raising my children, I did a lot. I have control issues which generally cause me to overthink, overanalyze, take the blame (childhood trauma issues), and internalize. If a situation comes up, I have to ask myself questions, like:

1. Is this within my control?
2. Was this my job?
3. Did I delegate appropriately and clearly?

I actually have 2 pages of questions, but most of them fall within those three.

I become self-absorbed over things that happened in the past that I can’t change. I will become stuck in this endless loop. I have things that I do for that, too.

Anyhow, I say this to state that my stress level is down enough where I can now enjoy a cup of hot coffee in the mornings without getting sick. Food doesn’t always trigger me. Will I start sharing my weight loss journey (intentional weight loss, that is)? Yes. I’m planning to go back to the diet and plan I wrote in college. I will share that along with my recipes on here. At least I’m armed with knowing a few things about food and health that I didn’t know prior. I know what foods I can eat if I sense I have a gut flare up. I know how to stay focused and motivated. Part of that is the blog for accountability and my therapist.